Postingan

Tentang Berjuang Bersama..

"line..", bunyi sound notification messenger app favoritku.

Ada pop up message berjudul "Si Sayang *emoji love warna biru*". (Aku tau aku se cheesy itu huhu..)

Tertulis "Tiati", pesan singkat terdiri dari 5 abjad yang sudah cukup mengisi energiku menghadapi jajaran pertanyaan mendebarkan yang harus aku jawab nantinya. Hari ini adalah hari yang cukup bisa membuatnafasku tak beraturan. 15 menit yang terasa panjang, iya.. interview kerja, untuk yang kesekian kalinya.

Sejauh ini belum cukup muak, aku masih bisa menikmati nya, yahh walaupun kadang sering kecewa mendapati tulisan "belum lolos" di inbox emailku. Lagi pula hasil lelah-lelah ini toh nantinya untuk kita nikmatin sendiri juga, InsyaAllah..

"Aku pengen.. besok, kalau kita udah settled bareng, kita bisa inget hari dimana kita berdua pusing dan lembur nyelesaiin TA bareng setiap hari, kita berdua pernah capek bawa map yang isinya berkas lamaran buat ditaruh ke beberapa kantor yang beda …

Loving Someone Hurts

People once asked me, what will I choose between loving someone or loved by someone? I answered "loved by someone". "Why?" they asked me again, "cause we dont need to wondering all night are they really love us or not, what should we do for them to make them stay, through the exhausting anxiety, jealousy and insecurity we know they still love us the same." he noded to my answer, well I know loving someone is hurts. Knowing they'll be fine without us knowing they have nothing to lose in us maybe, meanwhile we are struggling to dying from pain without them, whatever they did we're still accept it even it's really hurt us, because, we love them.. selfishly deep. We know, the fact of staying together is hard but stay apart will be harder for us. We know fight and losing an arguments for them every week is easier than losing them forever. We really know that.


And yes, I do have someone, that I really love. I have someone to fight and lose an argumen…

Untuk Lelaki yang Kucintai

Untuk lelaki yang saat ini, dan entah sampai kapan masih akan selalu kucintai. Maaf, untuk selalu membuatmu merasa marah, hingga lelah. Maaf karena selalu bertindak bodoh seperti ini, namun tak selalu dapat berhasil menghindari. Maaf untuk selalu memintamu memaklumi, tanpa berusaha mengerti. Untuk selalu membuatmu geram, untuk selalu membuatmu menunggu, untuk selalu membuatmu kecewa, untuk selalu membuatmu bersedih, dan selalu selalu lainnya. Maaf karena terlalu sering berbuat sesuatu yang harus diselesaikan dengan kata "maaf".


Yang jelas semenjak ada kamu, aku berusaha begitu keras untuk menjadi aku yang baik, baik untukmu, untuk kita. Mustahil kamu akan percaya seberapa keras usahaku mencoba, karena entah bagaimana sering berakhir salah dan bodoh.


Tapi, setelah ini aku tetap akan selalu melanjutkan usahaku, dan sudah seharusnya seperti itu, untuk menjadi aku yang baik tentunya. Aku tidak berjanji untuk bisa selalu benar, tapi aku hanya bisa menjanjikan untuk selalu mengusa…

What If

What should I do to make him stay? I really can't lost him, not for the 3rd time. I can't bear it. If he ever leave, I swear I will not going to healed.

Him

The way how he kiss her with his opened eye, and make her confused then she always ask why he didn't close them and he replied because he want to see her. The way he laughs with his eye cringed and his typical laugh voice that she love. His confused and hoarse wake up voice that she want to hear every morning. His weird habit for always starving in the middle of the night and complain her he was hungry but too lazy for making food and asking her to come instead even he know it's impossible for her to come. His annoying deed for always proudly said that his armpit smells good, but actually not at all. How he take so long time for taking a bath and make up that she dont understand what's he doing there. His cooking talent that she will can never defeated. The way he always mad when she's just too clumsy for handling things. The way he wipes her tears even he dont want to. He is a lazzy ass but when it comes to his beloved thing like his car or shoes, no one ever beat his…

Weird feeling?

Have you ever been on that feeling, you really miss someone, you miss that person even they're right beside or in front of you? Weird feeling ever. You can seeing them sit beside you but kinda feels like you can't reach them. So you just staring at them and hope it can help but not at all. You know that's painful.

I hope people can diving into my thought and see

I was scared. I really scared. I've thought nobody was scared of losing me anymore. Even you. I'm such a messed with all of my own thoughts, all of my negative thoughts that destroy me in the end. I'm too early judge and conclude about all the thing that you've done to me. I literally didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanna see, I'm craving for a prove that there's someone who's scared to lose me, I just wanna being the one you need. I'm on that lvl of insecure before. I'm so sorry. I can't watching you suffering alone from a pain again it's hurt me too. Please do believe me. You're the only one that I want I'm sure. I'm really sorry. I'm beyond speechless for telling me what I feel. You will have no idea how much I love you.